Thursday, December 1, 2011

Rollins rants about pain, The Beast and backstabbers on Black Flag's 'Damaged I'

Black Flag in full attack. (Photo: Tiffany)

Rollins. Ginn. Dukowski. Cadena. Biscuits.
These Black Flag guys tore the On Broadway in San Francisco apart on July 23-24, 1982. The high-quality bootleg proves this … killer, absolutely raging.
“Damaged I” (titled “My Life” here) clocks in at 8:59 the first night and a whopping 10:29 the next gig.
Here’s what old Hank had to say (THIS IS SOME SERIOUSLY GOOD SHIT):

July 23 --
It’s right here, it’s right here, right here! Right here! It’s in here, it’s in here!
It’s in here. It’s in …side. Inside, inside, inside, I’m on the inside. Inside of my eyes
Behind, these eyes… on , on the inside, you know. I live inside. I have eyes, things go by. I know why… because I, because I live inside!
What about -- him? What about him? You know, that guy who lives inside you--- inside me, too. I have a name for him… I call him THE BEAST, THE BEAST WITHIN, the beast that lives inside, but sometimes HE COMES OUT FOR A WALK! HE COMES OUTSIIIIIDE!! And when he does, IT’S UGLY – IT’S UGLY… It’s so ugly, oh man!
The beast, inside, his blood, runs deep – his blood runs deep, and it’s pain inside… pain, his fear.
Come meet the man … he might be big, but he crawls and fear makes him mean: fear makes him VERY DANGEROUUUUSSSS!!!
He goes like this: goes down; he makes a noise, it’s a noise of pain: REEEEEEEOWWWW! OHAWWWWW!! (nine more screams) … Oh, god … ohhh… can you see my, see my --- pain? Watch it go like this ….(more screams)
I think …….I think he wants to die; he wants to …DIE!!! DIE!!!
You know what I mean? You decide—he’s shaking the bars off this place, he’s shaking the bars … he’s going: Let me out—I WANT OUT! I WANT OUT! I WANT OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
It’s a look, you might as well call it my life.

July 24 --
Yeah, I know why
These don’t lie, that’s right
Behind my eyes, that’s right
Yeah, it’s so funny, it’s so funny
It’s so hard to find, it’s so hard … to find
Except, your lies… are so easy, aren’t they? Your lies are so easy… to stick in someone’s back—like a knife!
You know, the backstabbers—backstabbers!
They wanna stop my life, b---, backstabbers—people who sit on their ass and don’t do nothing, and they won’t even look me in the eye… you don’t even look me in the eye! That’s right, look away—look away!
But inside, I see on the outside, things go by, I know why—I know why! Ahhhh! I know why!
Because… I’ve got these things inside, inside, inside… my thoughts, I live, I live… on the inside—on the inside.
My eyes are seeing things, you look at me, but you don’t know, you can’t feel my pain
And then, and then I look at you—I can’t see past your eyes. I don’t know about your pain; I don’t know about your pain. I can’t see inside you
I don’t know – I DON’T CARE, I don’t care… because, I’ve got problems in my own mind, my own mind, my own miiiinnndd!!
So, why not now? Why not now? Let my muscles tear, let ‘em tear, let ‘em just go …. Ahhhhh!! (four of these)…..
Uh, oh! Waa, ahh! Waa, oww! Ahh, ahh! (more screams…)
I look inside, and I wonder… does anyone alive feel like me?
Don’t tell me, don’t tell me about … your love; don’t tell me about your love
Your love for me, don’t tell me… about how your love is gonna keep me alive--- It’s lies… IT’S LIES!
I live inside, I live alone; I live alone, alone, alone… and inside, I’m all alone
Nothing can save me… from myself; nothing can save me from myself
My life, my damage—my dirt, my self-destruction
Just remember, that when the day you’re born… days go by, you slowly die … That’s right, you’re not getting any younger—Just think that you’re dying very slowly—I KNOW I AM! I can feel it, I can feel it!
And now I know, now I know… I can’t run, I can’t run no more. Cuz when I run, I’m just chasing my own tail… turning inside, turning inside!
Drilling deeper down--- Oooooohhhhhh!!!
You see that? Right there? That’s uh, seven stitches where I went through a mirror… I wasn’t trying to be Mr. Tough Guy, I just didn’t like what I saw. I just hated what I saw.

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